Discovering Aspberger's after fifty...

I have a hard time talking about my family relationships. Which is ironic because when I was a kid, I would have loved to talk to someone because I had no idea how to handle what was going on. But I didn't know who to talk to or what specifically to talk about because I also had no idea I was on the spectrum. And being on the spectrum unknowingly complicated all my relationships- friend, family, co-worker, neighbor, and everything in between.  Family relationships can be complicated. One thing I've learned over time is that you can pick your friends, you can pick your spouse, but you can't pick your family. I was lucky to have had relationships that I've treasured and that helped make me the person I am today. Everyone deserves that. To have at least one relationship that they treasure with someone who shows them what love, mutual respect, support and encouragement are all about. And also how to treat other people with those things as well. People don't realize how ...

  This is me with my friend Jen. This was a long time ago when I was lucky enough to  live in the same town as she did and we spent a lot of time together. She had a knack for  making me laugh... She has been my friend for almost 25 years now and her  oldest daughter is on the spectrum. She was the first person I told when I was  diagnosed and true to form, she was amazing about it. I am so lucky to have her in my life! * The big 'R' word- Relationships. I'm pretty sure relationships are hard for everyone, but for someone like me who is on the spectrum, they are like wading through a minefield in the middle of a war. It's interesting to have been diagnosed so late in life. It's a relief and it's enlightening. But it's also depressing and overwhelming. All those relationships from the past that I have lost or that were dysfunctional have more clarity. And all those who I had a good relationship with or who have stuck by me are even more special. Relationships...

Blue birds are one of my totem animals. I just love seeing them... they are one of the things that gives me a sense of calm. Anyhoo... When I was younger, I didn't really wonder why I was different, though I was definitely sad when I was bullied or made fun of by other kids or when I didn't fit in. I tried to do what was necessary to seem 'normal', and sometimes it worked. But inevitably my conversational oddities or my inconsistent and weird social behaviors would drive people away, though not always. My mother used to brag to people how great it was that I could play by myself and had such a great imagination. I did make friends here and there. I could be extroverted with some kids if they shared some of the same quirks that I did, or if they let me make the rules in role playing games (like playing house), and some did, but if I didn't get to make the rules, I had a hard time understanding other people's rules. Or, it took me a while to understand them, and s...

I’ve spent my life thinking I was weird, odd, quirky, nerdy, and yes, different. I struggled in school, especially with subjects that weren’t in the creative areas (like math). I’ve struggled socially with accepted behaviors and language. Ones that even I didn’t notice were ‘odd’ until some of them were pointed out to me. And even then, I couldn’t control myself. I am bluntly honest and I have no poker face.   I’ve struggled extensively with relationships. I’ve never felt like I fully fit in anywhere with anyone, save for maybe a very small number of people who haven’t probably seen the full spectrum me. I’ve rarely had close friends and usually that didn’t last. I was jealous of other girlfriend’s relationships with each other, and saddened that I couldn’t seem to be more than just a ‘satellite’ barely gracing their presence. I’ve struggled with conversation, different nuances that I work so hard to understand and overcome. I ask a million questions and interrupt and babble and ...